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Hey, youuuuu! You're probably here for one of three reasons:
you're looking to hire me, you work with me and you're judging my credentials, or you did some smart Googling after seeing me on a dating app.* Whatever your business, I'm glad you're here, admiring my hard work. Go ahead and take a look around, and if you have any questions or need to get by a password wall, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
*If there's another reason, please let me know—not because I care, but so I can add it here for accuracy.
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